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Yaoi/slash that BURNS.

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First entry! Boy oh boy! [Dec. 8th, 2003|10:24 pm]
Yaoi/slash that BURNS.


[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |Boston by The Clintons]

I would like to commemorate the opening of BadYaoi with a MSTing of a story. So I'll just fill out this handy-dandy little form thingy that I have on the journal info page.

Name of author: Chaos_of_Sesshoumaru.
Name of story: Rage Heat
Fandom this is from: Inuyasha
Pairings: Inuyasha/Miroku, Inuyasha/Kouga, Inuyasha/Sesshoumaru
What makes it bad: Oh, where to start . . . Well, first the author doesn't even try to justify her rather strange concepts of characterization and sex. And the sex is pretty bad. Inconsistency. Poor grammar and spelling. It's just bad. It burns.
An example:
Now, as yaoi go, I'm a bit of a picky reader. Most yaoi couples are not canon nor have, as far as I can personally tell, the dynamics needed for me to even believe there is potential for a relationship. It takes a very talented and very skilled author to write a story that works when the dynamics do not exist. I think yaoi clearly for yaoi's sake, using characters who are clearly and absolutely heterosexual and already involved in relationships with the opposite gender, is tacky. I'm not saying it's gross or tasteless; for someone to stick two characters together just for hot sex (and the sex scenes are duds in the first place), completely pulverize logic in the real world and in the canon world, and then rape and maim the actual characterization--that's just tacky.

Inuyasha is an anime/manga that does not allow for a certain amount of dynamics between same-gender characters. It's a fairly popular series that is still running in Japan and just recently the English rights to it was bought. Inuyasha the anime was dubbed and placed on Cartoon Network. Anime fans of both limited and far-reaching sources are fairly familiar with it.

Owning more than 100 episodes of the [Japanese] anime and some manga as well, I'm familiar enough and far enough into the series to honestly say that Inuyasha, in a male/male relationship, won't work. Indeed, when a male character expressed his thoughts of Inuyasha and Miroku (the former was cute and the latter was sexy), Inuyasha and Miroku's opinion of this was very clear (Inuyasha: "You creep me out, bastard!" and Miroku while pulling on the prayer beads around his vortex: "Can I suck him up?").

But not only this, but this particular author has chosen to ignore Inuyasha's present relationship with Kagome, and his past/present relationship with Kikyou. The series is propelled forward by the search for the Shikon shards, but focuses upon the romance of Inuyasha/Kagome/Kikyou as a secondary driving force for these three characters. Their interaction with one another often forces the shikon shards into different areas of Japan, and even serves as character development.

Furthermore, the only male Inuyasha obsesses over would be Naraku, and if anyone can make that sort of relationship work instead of reducing the idea into a mangled waste of misspelled English, I'd actually like to read it. =) However, I like to think I'm broad-minded; if one could come up with a reasonable justification of how both Kikyou and Kagome are no longer able to have a relationship with Inuyasha, I suppose one could force Inuyasha into a relationship with another male. However, the sort of skill to successfully pull that off is rarely found in most fanfiction writers. Skill, this author has not.

So you can imagine my doubts upon finding this summery: Rated NC-17; Yaoi. Kouga/Inuyasha and Miroku/Inuyasha, Drama/Romance/Angst. Inuyasha is in heat and he needs some major relief, but by whom? Inuyasha shows an inclination towards Kagome and Kikyou throughout the series; it's pretty much the only angst for him--well, that and trying to kill Naraku. Is there any reason for him to go after a male character when Kagome is most likely the one he would get this "major relief" from?

I realize that most fanfiction writers do not have a firm grasp on the sciences since they tend to be strict and fanfiction is a much more lenient avenue for exploration. Compounding that is the attitude of possessing an "artistic license," which basically translates as: The privilege to maim, rape, slaughter, and otherwise annihilate anything that exists because otherwise the Swiss-cheesed plot wouldn't work. In other words, Newton's law of gravity is like the speed limit--it exists, but everyone ignores it to their favor and become indignant when they receive a ticket for doing thirty miles over the speed limit.

So, as a nursing student, I would like to make one thing clear: males are incapable of going into heat. "Going into heat" is a female characteristic only; it is a state in which the female is fertile and most capable of becoming pregnant, and the pheromones exuded sexually arouse males (non-human, animal species only). Human females do not have an equivalent to being in heat, as they are capable arousing men just by sight alone, although if that sight is a glossy picture on the main spread of Playboy, well . . .

By the very nature of sexual arousal, such the same can not be said for male animals, because they are capable of arousal at all times, not just certain cycles of the year. They do not depend on their own fertility, or their age, or a certain time of the year for sex, but merely cues in which to react. Now, the male does have something similar to a female going into a heat, and that is rut, which is dependant upon hormones and environmental cues. Like women, there is not a human male equivalent to entering rut.

The biological purpose of going into heat is reproduction and more often than not rutting is a male's response to heat. I especially want to emphasize this, because reproduction can only take place between a male and a female, unless you're a certain sort of creature (like an ameba or some fish) that can switch genders. This becomes an important point later on. As far as the Science Community has determined, homosexuality does exist in higher levels of animals, but "going into heat" is exclusively female.

Did this bore anyone? Here's a link that makes things a little clearer than what I probably have. http://www.rozellewebs.com/howwegottobehuman/lec3.htm

We begin the tale with Inuyasha barging through an abandoned town where some demon had arrived before he could. There is no mention of where the demon might be now, what the demon did, or why they are following it. Kagome yells after him to stop. Inuyasha pauses in his "enraged saunter" to demand to know what she wanted, and Kagome says he's rude. So far, so good. Except for the "enraged saunter" though, since saunter implies a stroll or meandering walk, which contradicts with "enraged." I think the only one capable of carrying this off would be Sesshoumaru.

Kagome tells Inuyasha that Miroku didn't mean it since he was "just joking." While Miroku does provide a bit of comedy relief by grabbing women's rounded bums and begging them if they'd bear his child (not necessarily in that sequence), he is sincere with how he treats his traveling companions (because, you know, you have to live with these people twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, and if you don't get along the journey is not going to be very fun). Inuyasha doesn't believe it was joking and is upset about being called "a mutt."

Aside from Miroku never having called Inuyasha a mutt before and certainly does not reduce himself to name calling anyway, Inuyasha would sooner pummel Miroku into the ground and call it well-avenged before he goes off in an "enraged saunter." Kagome, being a perspective young lady even when her character is later shoved under a heavy rock, says that Inuyasha is acting out of character, so what's wrong with him?

Inuyasha mutters something about Miroku looking hot, but yeah, it was stupid for him to act like that. Now, given the cultural and historical setting of Inuyasha the anime/manga, one could read into this statement and think that Inuyasha is implying Miroku is sick with fever. This would explain why Inuyasha didn't pummel him into the ground and why Miroku is calling him a mutt. Inuyasha isn't the sort of person to [usually] hit a sick person who happens to be more of a friend than an enemy.

Miroku enters the scene and wonders himself about Inuyasha's behavior. He isn't acting sick to me. And, true to form, Myoga, a flea-demon known for popping up and explaining what the basic gist of the current plot is, pops up and, well, explains the basic gist of the current plot. It turns out that Inuyasha is apparently suffering a male demon form of PMS.

Myoga, the flea, came out of the shack as well and hopped onto Miroku's shoulder. "It's mating season for Inuyasha."

Kagome and Miroku sweat dropped and looked at the devious flea. "What are you saying?" Kagome asked.

Myoga crossed his four arms and closed his eyes, while sitting cross legged on Miroku's shoulder. "Every year in the summer Inuyasha begins to get agitated and wanting."

Miroku blinked. "How's that any different from all the other days?"

"He means more than usual--don't you Myoga?" Kagome stuttered.

Myoga nodded. "Yes."

"And how did you know it was mating season for Inuyasha? I thought it only happened to female demons anyways." Miroku stated.

"I followed Inuyasha through the forest and I found him, how you say, mating with Sesshoumaru."

Obviously the frustration these brothers exhibit toward one another episode after episode after episode (although it would more aptly be described as hate) clearly comes from their inability to work it off with good sex, since we all know (or should know) of how sex has therapeutic advantages. Actually, I would have liked to see this. I bet BSDM was heavily involved, since Sesshoumaru strikes me as being the sort of person who dominates and likes to abuse, whereas Inuyasha secretly desires being dominated. After all, Sesshoumaru - who would sooner see Inuyasha licking the ground than his own feet - would gladly have hot butt sex with Inuyasha - who would sooner lick the ground than Sesshoumaru’s own feet.

It's the perfect BSDM setup! XD

Kagome was distressed and ran back to the shack. "Um . . . thank you for that information. I think I’ll stay in here now. Inuyasha makes me sick!”

Miroku smiled. “Can this include humans as well?”

Myoga sweat dropped. “I thought you were straight?”

People living in Ancient Feudal Japan, not quite yet subjected to Christianity, are certainly not going to use pop-culture terms that originated in the late twentieth century and are going to face issues of homosexuality. The Japanese, unconstrained by the Christian ideals and pop-culture of today, didn't even have this vocabulary if Kagome brought it with her, and I highly doubt Kagome is going to think Inuyasha makes her sick when she’s faced with Inuyasha’s [questionable] sexuality. Highly disappointed because she loves him, yes, but not "sick."

Now, I want to clarify my point: a friend of mine says the Japanese do have words that can translate into homosexuality and heterosexuality, but "bi" and "straight" are strictly Western cultural terms from the last century. Couldn't this author, who uses "mating" instead of "sex" throughout the story, simply say, "like men/women/prefer such"?

Most certainly Kagome would say something about Inuyasha being sick if she ever learns of the BSDM relationship he has with Sesshoumaru, but I don’t think she’d be hearing about it from Inuyasha.

“I only say that because I need a child to carry on my blood line. I’m truly bi and right now I can tell ya I’m head over heels in love with Inuyasha, but I can’t tell him that.”

This is despite the fact that the only girl that Miroku makes a habit of groping now and then is Sango. We also should all ignore the fact (for those of us who got far enough in the anime/manga) that Miroku was concerned with the idea that he might have driven Sango away with his groping. I can believe Miroku would never admit to Inuyasha that he was head over heels in love with Inuyasha, since Inuyasha might just send him head over heels with a well-placed kick. This is where the yaoi is just tacky. Instead of trying to systematically removing these character elements and try to subtly twist the characterization to make this work, the author throws things in where and when it pleases her, and throws out everything else that contradicts her plot. It's that damn artistic license. I told those people to stop putting them in cracker jack boxes! >_< (And I'm soooo not touching that "I'm truly bi" bit with a ten foot pole and latex gloves.)

The story continues with Myoga promising to keep Miroku’s information a secret from everyone else. Miroku thinks that Myouga knows something that the others don't, but that’s only because Myouga knows what the entire plot to fill in the holes when and where he’s needed. We then join Inuyasha.

Inuyasha growled and paced back and forth. “I hate this time of the year. Why does it have to happen to me? Damn it! My groin is throbbing with anticipation. I need to mate.”

Inuyasha is a potty-mouth and does not have an eloquent vocabulary. Groin is not so much the male sexual organ as it is the location of the human sex--which is to say between the legs, and that all women have a groin as well. If the entire place is swollen, I would suggest to Inuyasha that he gets that checked by a modern medical professional--it sounds like a serious problem, possibly a STD.

(Aforementioned friend of mine said, "Groin: a word that should never, ever, appear in any slash or yaoi story. Period. End of discussion. Even if that's an area where the men get kicked.")

The demon groaned and undressed himself from the red restraints. He was completely nude except for the necklace that the old hag had given him. Oh well, it would probably attract more males to mate with him.

Red restraints? Assuming these are his clothes, Inuyasha wouldn't otherwise be wearing restraints. I wish the author would specify what sort of males this would be. I’m having visions of amorous squirrels trying to molest Inuyasha in his delicate state. XD

He bent down on his hands and knees and groaned in ecstasy. He could masturbate, but that wouldn’t relieve the pressure within him to mate.

I'm going to go back to the heat/rut science for just a moment with this little story: my family once had a mare. Well, we still do, but this was a different mare. As mares do, she'd periodically entered heat. To get it over with as soon as possible, my father would use a gigantic purple dildo to masturbate the mare, which satisfied her instinctual need to mate (now, try explaining this to the priest when he visits your home and accidentally finds this gigantic purple dildo). The whole thing about mating is sex, which everyone knows leads to babies. Sexual gratification of even masturbation will relieve heat/rut. However, this author has absolutely no idea of what she's writing, because research would just get in the way of Inuyasha having sex with two other male characters (three, if we include the not-so-specifics of his relationship with Sesshoumaru).

The last time he tried to do it by himself was when it ended up with other male humans masturbating around him in the bushes. Inuyasha of course found out that the smell of his body attracted not only canine demons but mortals as well. He didn’t want to mate with mortals, except for...not him. It wouldn’t ever be like that. Inuyasha knew he could never have Miroku for himself.

Yes; Inuyasha is much better off with those amorous male squirrels if Sesshoumaru doesn’t hurry and show up. And I don't know about you, but if I were male and I saw a masturbating demon in the bushes, I'd get the hell away. And if the smell of his body attracts not only canine demons but mortals as well, Inuyasha really needs to take a bath. (By the by, unless these human males are homosexually inclined, I doubt they would show up; and where are all the heterosexual women who would willingly jump Inuyasha’s bones?)

He threw his head back, allowing his hair to twist around his neck. He spread his legs apart and moaned as he painfully released the urine that held the intoxicating smells of mating.

Let’s list the abnormalities Inuyasha’s currently suffering, both medical and mental:
1) Character rape in the hands of the author.
2) Currently aggravated and wanting (more than usual).
3) Involved in an incestial BSDM relationship with Sesshoumaru.
4) Suspicious disease that’s causing his entire groin to swell. (I still think it's a STD.)
The urine being “painfully released" (a mental image I could have done without) is just the latest in this list:
5) Bladder infection.

The rancid scent spread through the woods like wild fire, reaching the nose of his brother and Kouga, the wolf demon.

This rancid smell seems to be attractive. I suppose it's attractive in the same manner as a week-dead carcass is attractive to most predators. I, personally, don't think animals are sexually excited by "rancid" smells. I wish this author had used a word that didn't imply spoilage.

Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow. He knew that scent very well and it drove his hormones wild. He glanced down to the little, sleeping human girl, Rin, in his lap. He couldn’t possibly leave her with Jaken. That little toad didn’t know how to take care of the human.

I don't need to mention how, in the actual anime/manga, Sesshoumaru always leaves Rin with Jaken, do I? Good.

He sighed in defeat. He had to stay behind and take care of her, no matter how much his crotch twitched with want.

(Apparently, crotch is on the same forbidden word list as groin.)

This is screaming for sarcasm . . .
Sesshamarou sighed in defeat. He had to stay behind and care for Rin, but there were more than one way to relieve a crotch that twitched with want. “Damn; it looks like I’ll have to settle for Jaken again. Jaken!” Besides, Inuyasha lost his novelty when Sesshamarou had tried molesting him when he was still trapped in the tree. There was something disturbing about that arrow, not to mention it always got in the way.
Jaken hurried over to Sesshoumaru’s side. “Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru?”
“Get the whip. And a gag; there’s no need to disturb Rin.”

Inuyasha suspected his half brother to be here by now, but he wasn’t. Why? Sesshoumaru was always the one to relieve him of his pleasure, no matter how disturbing it was between brother and brother.

“Relieving” someone of his “pleasure” makes for a bad selection of words. It’s like the government “relieving” you of the heavy burden of “income.” Someone’s gotta spend it, and it shouldn’t be you.

The pain had grown too much in the half-demon’s body. He collapsed against the grassy path and moaned in agony. “Please! Someone, help!”

This, too, is also screaming for sarcasm.
“I’m in desperate need of being dominated and fucked! I need leather and whips and fuzzy pink padded cuffs!”

His beg was almost a howl in distress. Why was Sesshoumaru deserting him?

6) Complex problem.

It wasn’t like him to miss out on an opportunity like this.

Inuyasha closed his eyes and felt the tears pouring down his cheeks. He moved his hands between his legs and scrunched himself into a ball to hold back the pain. It wasn’t working. He felt like dying. He groaned again and again. He could just let it pass, but no, it was too painful, he couldn’t hold out for one week. His friends needed him to defeat the demons and to retrieve the rest of the shikon jewel shards, what would they think if they saw him in this predicament?

7) Hypersensative to pain.
Inuyasha has had it all; he’s had holes punched through his stomach and chest, an arrow that pinned him to a tree for fifty years, was battered around by the demon whose gave battle wounds to Inuyasha’s father that caused death, and multiple other battle wounds, including the burns from a moth demon's poison cocoon and Sesshoumaru’a hands. He has never cried from the pain. The only time he ever cried was when he thought all of his traveling companions--Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and Kagome--were trapped and about to be possessed by a moth demon. Inuyasha could not free his friends/companions, and he could see the possession of his friends taking place. And it wasn't so much crying as it was yelling at them and half-choking at the same time from his fear of losing them.

He stretched out against the grass, still holding his hands between his legs. His groin rubbed against the soft blades, spreading his seed as he slinked closer to the trees.

Inuyasha halted in mid slide when he could smell and hear the sounds of an approaching demon. He looked up distraught and hoping. To his surprise it was Kouga sniffing the grass with his nose.

I'm trying to imagine Inuyasha holding his hands between his legs, and slinking, caterpillar-like, to the trees, and spreading his seed about as he does.

Kouga searches out the “urine that was released on the green blades” and notices Inuyasha lying on the ground and “looking seductive.” (With his hands between his legs, butt in the air from slinking caterpillar-like.)

Seductive and Inuyasha do not go well in the same sentence, unless Kikyou is somewhere in between. The only time I saw anything close to “seductive” for Inuyasha was when he was under the influence of a female flea demon, and he started stripping for Shippou, who was sobbing in horror as Inuyasha began to shrug out of his clothes. If it scared Shippou, it should have sent Kouga into hysterical laughter. However, Inuyasha’s beautiful naked form brings “Kouga’s length to fully erect.”

Erect what? Perhaps a temple that honors the beauty of Inuyasha’s seductive form?

His licked his lips from the drool that ran along them.
Koga growled when he reached the body and sniffled when it wouldn’t move to allow access. Could it be that Inuyasha wasn’t in heat at all and was just lying there dead?

That would explain the rancid smell, now wouldn’t it? So where did this Koga fellow come from? Are we going to get us some hot threesome action?

Inuyasha’s ears and nose twitches to the sounds of a crouching wolf demon and the smell of an overanxious wolf demon, respectfully. I’m not exactly sure where this Koga came from, but now I'm half-expecting a hidden dragon demon lurking somewhere now, attracted by Inuyasha's "rancid scent."

Inuyasha is relieved with knowing Kouga is going to release the pain. Is that anything like relieving Inuyasha’s pleasure? Kouga straddles Inuyasha’s hips with his hands, and groans when "the wolf demon" (who must be Koga) starts swiping Inuyasha with his tongue. To make matters worse, Kouga is purring, and the smell of heat was strong and “it drove his groin mad.”

Like Inuyasha, Kouga has some problems going on.
1) An uncontrollable length that I suspect is erecting a temple.
2) Gravity-defying drool that ran along his lips. I knew Newton's law was going to be broken eventually.
3) Purring (he's a wolf demon, not a cat demon).
4) A mad groin. That must be another STD.

He ran both his hands to the half-demon’s groin and began pumping, wanting to release the seed within his mate. He smiled when a loud moan filled the air and the white liquid spilled into his hands, soaking them.
He used the seed to lubricate his length.

The length screamed. “No! I’m not done with the temple!”

Inuyasha doesn’t apparently need the preparation anyway, since all he needs is a fuck. The sex scene that follows is a dud. It could have used some nipple clamps and fuzzy pink handcuffs. It is interesting to note that Kouga “filled him perectly within,” and moans of how “tight” Inuyasha is, and “You filll wonderfully!” I think the author meant that Inuyasha feels wonderfully, but it reads that Inuyasha fills wonderfully. But that’s okay because it fits in with how Kouga filled him "perectly within" (whatever that means). I wish these people would get a beta-reader who is willing to beat the author soundly over the head with the keyboard.

Climax soon follows after, and everyone howls in delight.

Soon there was a contour of howls in the night sky, describing the complete mating sessions.

Poor Koga. He didn’t get any of the hot action. In the meantime, Sesshoumaru’a ears twitch at the sound of his brother’s howls and thinks he doesn’t have to worry about Inuyasha's being in heat now. It’s not like he had the fuzzy pink handcuffs with him that Inuyasha really liked anyway. Also in the meantime, Myouga is sitting in a tree and looking out over the other trees and the moon while smoking his pipe. He nods his head to the howls and thinks that Inuyasha will be back to normal.

I don’t think that it’s possible for Inuyasha to get back to normal while this author is writing.

Shippou, Kagome, and Sango are all mentioned briefly, but it just seems to point out how traumatized they are from the howling. Miroku hopes no one goes to investigate the howls, because then he could sneak out and find Inuyasha himself. He also pats Kirara on the head and wistfully wishes it was himself who was getting fucked. So why isn't Kirara attracted to Inuyasha's rancid scent? Miroku closes his eyes and listens to the sound of “a dog and a wold demon’s music.” (Wold? That must be Koga.)

It doesn’t remain music for very long. Inuyasha growls angrily and pushes Kouga away, who manages to be affronted at such a spurn. I don’t blame Kouga for being upset though; he was just treated to a classic “WHAM BAM thank you ma’am.” Having been spurned, Kouga grabs his clothes and leaves, but not before Inuyasha threatens to use him as a scratching post and Kouga says Inuyasha is going to regret using him to “relieve your ecstasy, Inuyasha.”

Ecstasy shmecstasy. What ever happened to relieving Inuyasha’s pain or pleasure? In that respect, to relieve someone of their ecstasy is to steal it away.

After this, Inuyasha goes into a bout of depression and serious self-denial.

“I don’t need anyone. I don’t need to love a-a-anyone,” he stuttered. What was he saying? Didn’t he want Miroku? Didn’t he want Sesshoumaru and Kouga? Both demons and the human were there for him, always helping him when he needed it. Sesshoumaru had changed considerably, so yes, of course he would want to love his half-brother.

8) Showing signs of selective amnesia.

Sesshoumaru has never always helped Inuyasha when he needed it. I think the only thing that Sesshoumaru ever did to help Inuyasha with was fight him when Inuyasha had entered his youkai (full demon) state and was killing everything in sight. Sesshamarou had no intention of killing Inuyasha if Inuyasha wasn’t going to be aware of being killed, but he was the only one strong enough to take Inuyasha head-on and live. Even then, Inuyasha remembers nothing of the fight, because he can't remember anything when he's a youkai.

Kouga has, on a few rare occasions, tried to help Inuyasha (but only when it involved Kagome and Naraku together, and it was more to help Kagome and to spite Naraku than to help Inuyasha), but certainly he has never ever tried to "be there" for Inuyasha. Miroku, being a teammate, has tried to help Inuyasha when and where he could, but still, one out of three is poor arithmetic.

He curled into a ball and cried his heart out. He'd done something he WOULD regret. He lost Kouga, Miroku, and his brother. He never thought it would come to this - ever.

9) Delusions and mood swings, although the latter may just be from all the hormones that must factor into a male demon going into heat.

Now we go into the second chapter, which is really just Kouga’s point of view of the events in Chapter 1, except for the beginning. Kouga think that he is the only one in his clan (which pretty much consists of two lackeys and a pack of wolves) who doesn’t have a mate. He thought it is utterly humiliating since he's a leader of a wolf clan and doesn't have a mate to share his royal control.

Kagome seems to have disappeared as the great, grand scheme of this fanfic, since Kouga, in both the manga and anime, sees Kagome as his woman and sees Inuyasha as a philandering womanizer who didn't deserve Kagome.

Kouga thinks it’s disgusting how his brother, Touga, found a beautiful wolf demon. It wasn’t that too long ago when Kouga had a taste for women himself though. However, Kouga does something in this part of the story that he doesn’t often do in the anime/manga, and that is think. So when he thinks about this taste for women, he decided males are "much demanding and pleasurable."

He picks up the scent of a male in heat, and stalks it because he recognizes Inuyasha’s scent.

No wonder why all the demons disappeared by the time Modern Japan came to be. All the males refused to breed with females! (On a side note, I think it's an insult to imply homosexuality is contagious.)

He would find the white haired half-demon and fulfill his own needs as a mate and master.

You’re howling at the wrong moon, Kouga. If you want a master, you need Sesshoumaru.
From there, some more dud of a sex scene takes place, only from Kouga’s point of view. Here, we see no mention of this Koga fellow. I’ve got a feeling he got tired of not getting any action so he went frolicking with the amorous male squirrels.

There is a slight bit more different with the description of the sex in this chapter.

He smiled and began rubbing the thick liquid onto his length, and every instinct brought out his urge to rip the boy apart from within. Instead he settled with nipping at Inuyasha’s shoulders gently, yet harshly enough to tell he was playing. The boy tasted so good. He needed more.

He didn’t bother to prep the dog demon, all he wanted was to quickly end this and take Inuyasha home so he could become his mate and rule over the wolf clan with him. Of course it would be unusual to have a dog rule over them, but it was Inuyasha. He was more powerful beyond any mortal or demon. So why not have this lovely creature rule by his side.

Sesshoumaru would disagree about this part of how Inuyasha was more powerful beyond any mortal or demon. So would Naraku for that matter. Sesshoumaru and Naraku are just too cool for this author to ignore and/or slander like this. >=(

He thrust once and then twice more to enter into the dog demon. Kouga’s aching groin felt the rip within the boy,s body. He could feel the blood spilling, lubricating the entrance more. But the blood wasn’t enough to kill Inuyasha.

When the blood "spills," that means a large blood vessel has broken, or someone was taking aspirin (the blood doesn't clot, so even minor wounds bleed a lot). Since I don't think aspirin would exist in the Ancient Feudal time (unless Kagome brought some along for headaches caused by Inuyasha's being aggravating and wanting, or everyone has been drinking willow tea), then something important was torn. That's going to hurt like murder when all the endorphins finally quit.

In the end, Kouga is chased away, and we finally reach the third and final chapter of this mangling of badly misspelled English the author mistakenly calls a story. Inuyasha is once more aroused; he can't handle the "throbbing that rose between his legs again" (sounds like a third STD to me; well, that’s what happens when you don’t use condoms). He doesn't put his clothes on, and he wants to hide where Kagome and Sango won't find him. Well, that's surprisingly considerate of him. Apparently Inuyasha doesn't think Shippou or Myouga are to be worried about since they "minded their own business anyway." This is far from the truth, since Shippou and Myouga are the busybodies. Shippou is not a gossip while Myouga is, but both of them are snoops while the girls are not.

Like a true angster, Inuyasha's mind turns to his true love, Miroku. After some angsting, Inuyasha makes his way to another shack in the empty village where he feels sure no one will find him. While still in the forest, he runs into Miroku, who is quite pleased - er, surprised upon beholding the wonder that is Inuyasha naked. Never mind that they probably bathed together in hotsprings, because the girls refused to have male company during their bathing. He inquires after Inuyasha's health, who snaps back angrily.

The demon grumbled and backed away from the monk. "What's it to you? It's not like you'd care, Miroku."

Miroku appeared hurt for a moment. "I don't know what you're talking about Inuyasha. Of course I worry about you." His eyes adverted to between Inuyasha's. "You're bleeding."

His eyes adverted between what? Where?

This observation causes Inuyasha a fair bit of what seems to be shame; mind you, Inuyasha in canon is a shameless bastard who doesn't see why he can't have BOTH Kagome and Kikyou.

Inuyasha hopes the subject changes, and Miroku steps closer to Inuyasha, "trying to touch him with compassion." That isn't supposed to be taken in a literal context, but that's how the author wrote it. Miroku tells Inuyasha to let him help, and his words are "kind, soft, and loving." The only ones who get this treatment from Miroku have been female up to this point. I actually feel bad for his badly-abused character.

Inuyasha and Miroku more or less confess their undying love and decide to commemorate the moment by fucking--I mean, "mating". Through various passages in the story from here on, we see that Inuyasha, as a half-demon, has suddenly become a demon.

Miroku smiled and held the demon tightly in his arms. The smell of heat rose to his nose. It was like summer humidity. He peered at Inuyasha's body, seeing where the blood actually came from. He slowly moved his fingers toward the demon's entrance, feeling the soft skin that trailed behind his touch.

9) Skin does not trail behind someone's touch unless the skin has been separated or is peeling off. I think Inuyasha needs to get that checked, along with the rectum bleeding. And until then, he shouldn't have anal sex because it leads to infection. One's butt is the last place an infection is wanted.

We then proceed with another round of confessions of love, followed by another dud of a sex scene, only to be broken by this:

He could taste the seed that spilled early that night. It depressed him to think that such a wolf demon had made Inuyasha come, even after all he had down to the poor half-demon. Inuyasha needed to be cleaned, he reeked horribly of blood, but it didn't surpass the heat that rose off Inuyasha's body.

10) Fever. I suspect this goes hand in hand with the various STDs Inuyasha has.

And if switching from labeling Inuyasha as a half-demon and a demon isn't enough to confuse the tortured reader, the author then calls him "hanyou." A couple paragraphs later, Inuyasha is a demon. A couple paragraphs after that, he's a hanyou. All during this time, "seed" has been used, except Miroku doesn't have "seed"--he gets "semen.” Consistency is clearly not this author's strong point.

And then we get another confession of love, except this is a little bit more interesting than the others:

Miroku pulled out and lied beside Inuyasha, wrapping his arm around the demon's chest. "I would have never thought you would let a human mate with you, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha grinned at this and turned to face the monk. "I would only allow you. I love you, Miroku, forever."

Miroku looked questioning at the demon. "Are you saying this because I mated with you?"

Inuyasha shook his head. "No, I'm saying this because I have chosen you to become my mate."

"What about Kagome?" Miroku asked.

My thoughts exactly.

Inuyasha sneered. "No. I've given up on her . . . Anyways; I think she's with Sango."

This is not a justifiable way to get rid of Kagome! This is #3 on the Top Ten ways to Get Rid of Conflicting Love Interests In Tacky Ways: Make them homosexual as well; it does not interfere with a relationship between the main couple that otherwise should not exist. (#1 is to ignore the character, and #2 is to kill off the character.)

Miroku snickered. "That explains why Sango has those googly eyes whenever Kagome passes by her."

"Tell me something Miroku, should we tell them tomorrow or just wait?" Inuyasha looked toward the shack that the others were sharing.

"Let's wait. I want to see their faces when they find out that we've become mates. Um . . .can male demons get pregnant?"

Good God, I hope not. I didn't like Inuyasha when he was under the influence of hormones while "in heat," and I sure as well wouldn't be happy if he's under the roller-coaster influence of hormones while pregnant. And unless Inuyasha somehow manages to grow a birth canal, a set of ovaries, and a uterus and also begins a menstrual cycle like any other female out there, he's not going to get pregnant. However, this author has blatantly ignored and/or slaughtered science already, so why not do this as well?

If all of that somehow does take place, what makes this author think that Kagome and Sango are going to let Inuyasha fight? Although it would be interesting to see Inuyasha, eight months pregnant, waddling after Naraku, who is far too busy laughing his butt off at Inuyasha to fight back.

Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow and grinned. "I don't know. Want to find out?"

Miroku smiled and ravished the demon once again.

The End.

Uh, thank you?


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[User Picture]From: minni
2003-12-08 10:07 pm (UTC)
My friend, for some reason, really liked the part where the length screamed, "No! I'm not done erecting a temple!" I don't know why. Now, this story wasn't so bad; I actually find it a little cute (the concept that Sesshoumaru would just lay claim on a human, let alone a perverted monk, seems, to me, a little far-fetched for his character). Gotta love the summery: Sesshoumaru finds a weak Miroku literally underfoot.

Now, all we need to do is promote the community!
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