|MPREG -- why not to do it.
||[Dec. 26th, 2003|05:13 pm]
Yaoi/slash that BURNS.
(Inspired by this. Naruto gets pregant through anal sex. I mean, come on. Just because Sasuke's condom broke . . . At least they were using condoms.)
Today, I would like to discuss certain medical aspects in slash that a writer should try to do research in.
MPREG – I can’t quite translate these initials, but I do know the first two are Male Pregnancy. Now, some people are quite good at writing this, I’m sure, but I’ve yet to come across it. (I do admit to reading it, but only because the author did not place a suitable warning and I sailed right on through, sort of like a bystander coming upon a four car pile up on the freeway. It was a Gundam Wing story, and after that, ah, very interesting bit between Duo and Zechs, I had to scamper off to learn if this car wreck was the exception or the norm. When writing MPREG, I found it to be the norm. And, incidentally, this doesn’t work for the GWing universe, because it has the advanced scientific ability to create artificial uteruses, and it sure as hell doesn’t work for the Harry Potter universe, because magic, as great and wonderful as it is, isn’t going to give the male a set of ovaries and a uterus (and a birth canal) without there somehow being severe repercussions.)
I’m sure some writers have heard of artificial incubation. It’s like taking a chicken egg and placing it in the heater for several weeks. Men take their semen, fertilize an egg, and then place it in an artificial uterus. I realize that some slash authors are just trying to do away with all women, but quite frankly, making sure the man is the one who gets pregnant isn’t doing him a whole world of good. I know fanfiction is about exploring avenues of the world and what-if’s and can I do this’s. However, fanfiction is about exploring the canon universe you are writing in and expanding upon that. Realistically, you have to follow the set scientific rules (such as, you know, gravity), and unless the canon universe has hermaphrodites roaming around, MPREG does not work. Especially the way the most writers force it to work. I can rant forever on how much this topic bugs me, but I’d rather explain why it doesn’t work. This way, people can keep these pointers in mind the next time they try to write it. Sure, go ahead and write it, but try to make it realistic as you can given the circumstances.
So, let us discuss what pregnancy is about, and why the female body can be pregnant but it’s not such a great idea for the male body.
Pregnancy is about producing trillions and trillions of cells. To do that, there must be changes within the woman’s body to accommodate such. Hormones come immediately to my mind. Women are used to changing hormones. They may not like it and may become very sensitive when the hormones crash just before their period begins, but they are used to it. The male level of testosterone, with the exception of puberty and the baby years, remain at a consistent level all during life. The male brain is not used to fluctuating hormones. At this point, science believes that it would be harmful for the male to be subjected to changing hormones, since women seem to have evolved into these fluctuating hormones and they are capable of not being driven insane (for, uh, the most part). That is the main point I want to make about pregnancy itself. The hormones. If you make your male character pregnant, be aware that he’s in for a stomach-twisting roller coaster ride of emotions and health.
Why can’t the male body withstand pregnancy? It’s all in the anatomy. First of all, men and women have different hips. Most people have been aware of this since our ancestors realized that big hips = easier births. Men have narrower hips and their coccyx — tailbone — curves upward, and this isn’t a very comfortable thing for the placenta to sit upon. And while we’re on the subject of hips, I would like to mention how the centers of balance are different from men and women. The center of balance for men is generally their shoulders. For women, their center of balance is their hips. Women can stand to have something akin to a bowling ball centered in their stomach, whereas men are just going to fall flat on their faces. Men do not have the centers of balance to be able to walk while pregnant.
Now, ask yourself this: Most of you know how women get pregnant. Therefore, you should be familiar with how the egg, once fertilized in the ovaries, will implant itself in the uterus wall and a placenta is formed etc. etc. With MPREG, I must ask myself this question: Where does the egg implant itself when it’s fertilized via anal sex? And then I had to answer myself: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That gave me a silly image. ^_^ No, think about it, people. The intestines are not the place for a bowling ball! That gives rise to several bad bathroom-humor style jokes that people would otherwise never hear from me.
But, one might say, how else is a man to get pregnant? To which I could answer, please, let’s just avoid the topic altogether. But no one asked that, so, uh, I'm done complaining.